This morning, Hannah and I were enjoying a little tea before one of the classes she teaches. We were talking with the other women in her office. Our conversation went roughly like this:

Office ladies: How long are you here for?

Me: My train leaves this afternoon.

Office ladies: We’ll miss you this afternoon, then, Hannah.

Hannah: No, I still have another group later.

Office ladies: But how will she get to the train?

Me: I can make it to the station. As long as I know what bus to get on—

Office ladies: That’s ridiculous! Your friend is here, you must see her off.

Hannah: It’s okay, really, I offered to go with her—

Office ladies: We’ll cancel your class for you. [muttering] How you can even think of teaching . . .

I think the root of the disagreement was not over my ability to get on and off a bus by myself but over cultural priorities. Americans have an ingrained work ethic while Russians are deeply committed to their friends and family. Americans care about relationships, of course, but we think, “If you’re my friend, you’ll forgive me for having obligations, but with my boss, well it’s not that easy.” Russians, too, care about work, but the society is built on connections and it’s not so hard to explain a friendship-related obligation to your boss when they also grew up putting relationships before paperwork and other tasks that can just as easily wait till tomorrow.

But Hannah and I are too thoroughly American to let them cancel her class, so she saw me to the bus stop and we said goodbye. I’m sure the office ladies scolded her, but it’s hard for us to change such deeply-rooted tendencies.

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